If you competed in the modern pentathlon today and things went terribly wrong, in which event would you be most likely to meet your untimely demise? Or, who would win in a battle between a man who has all the supplements in a vitamin store (and they all work as advertised) or a man who has read all of the self help books at a bookstore? Our guest this week, comedian Sean Patton, answers these and other great lightning round questions on another episode of the BHHcast.
This episode of the BHHcast was performed live at the All the Laughs Comedy Awards in the outdoor amphitheater of the Role Call Theater (hence the background noise). The BHHcast was honored to be selected as the Best Podcast at the festival from amongst a group of outstanding shows.
Sean Patton has performed in clubs and festivals around the world such as The Melbourne International Comedy Festival, The Edinburgh Fringe , SXSW, The Moontower comedy festival, Just for Laughs Chicago, Just for Laughs Toronto and Just for Laughs Montreal. You may have seen him on Comedy Central, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Conan, The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail, This Is Not Happening, Showtime's Live from SXSW , TruTv's Comedy Knockout, and This week at the Comedy Cellar. On TV, he has appeared on IFC'S Maron, Comedy Central's Inside Amy Schumer and TruTV's Those who can't.
Be sure to follow him across social media and check out his website for upcoming tour dates.
Be sure to subscribe to and follow the show across podcasting platforms. If you would like the BHHcast to come to your town to perform live, as we did in this episode, send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. We love feedback and would love to hear from our listeners.
People around here trust the shepherd. Jamie in the other Jamie, they always have the sheep trust her to gather around. I'll throw another log on the fire. Turn it up just a touch with another episode of the podcast is starting now. Alright, this is a brand new episode of the podcast starting now I am Jimmy battle Jamie Hernan. Hey, we have a very special guest with us this episode comedian Sean Patton. And that applause you hear is a live recording that we're doing this episode so should be familiar but also maybe a little different. Beautiful day out here in Atlanta outside the Ponce market and roll call theater. Sean, welcome. Appreciate you being here. I appreciate being invited. I also very enamored with this outdoor mini amphitheater space. Yes. Cool. It's very cool. I love this what is this the pomposity working on City Market? Very interesting place. Yeah, when they build these like giant like what do you want? We got it. On line, we got a line here. Got that? Also that my clothes? Books shirt. The top? One, that's fine. We'll have it and then as the economy starts to possibly deteriorate, it'll get kind of senior. Right? What else do we got that? Yours totally. Alright, let's get to a little bit of the traditional round. I'm doing the head a little bit of an introduction with our guests. Shall we do lightning round format in depth questions, hopefully provocative answers. We'll do one test question to get you acclimated to the process. And that is clockwise or counterclockwise. Okay. Big one. Okay, counter clockwise, counter clockwise. Starting with that you look like a counter. Either personal never answer that question. Okay. All right. So I'm gonna yes, those who would win in this fight question. A man who has all the supplements from a vitamin store, and they all work as advertised. For a man who's read all the self help books at a bookstore, and they work as advertised who wins that fight? The guy rear the guy who read the books, he's gonna have the confidence of someone who knows everything. And confidence is more powerful than any actual natural gift and supplement of this film. I mean, there might be there might be, but it's not the same as real. Exactly. Exactly. Because then that guy might be like, my confidence will wear off because it kicked in yet. Other guys like confidence come from within, which invites self doubt Exactly. Oh, yeah. Right. Which Yeah, certainly it's a runaway train. Yeah. Runaway train great soloists, Island cover bands. Oh, alright, so Shawn Hatton your first question. Prior to becoming a famous war leader, General George Patton relation, I presume, competed in the modern pentathlon in the 1912 Summer Olympics in Stockholm, Sweden. If you competed in the modern pentathlon today, and things went terribly wrong, in which event would you be most likely to meet an untimely demise? Belgian. The Belgian I don't know if you guys knew this. But prior to the Geneva Conventions, belching was considered a an act of showmanship. Okay, Bell chapter any, any sort of competitive event eating, people call each other after sex? That became rude energy changes, has now considered Yeah, it's on the bench anymore, but it wasn't one. I would overdo myself with belching probably rubbed for my throat. One of my vocal cords, I wouldn't be able to ask for help. And I was just down, I'll just drown in a pile of my own saliva. You imagine that's very complicated. I don't know if any of what I said is true, but I felt that I felt the comments. Yeah. Absolutely. You got it. Was that true? LG LG was that should be I feel like the Olympics every four years should just change events. No one knows to show up. What qualified well qualified, you just don't know. He just knows like one of those extemporaneous speaking competitions. Draw an event out of the hat. Yes. I hope I did hammer home I can't hammer I got LG. O shot but not interested. A little shot book on fire one year. yeah like that's you just as a general qualification round and then you just show up like this. This is very slick games and I can imagine like the US gymnasts team getting there and they're like Well Justin Yeah I actually wonder what the qualifications aren't to be Olympic official like it'd be fun to be shot the tape measure guy to be there for all the events probably a piece of parking you're thinking about all the people who work their whole life to get there and just topped out Middle School shoplet where nobody knows where it's going they don't their career, right finally gets selected and flung back at them but maybe they too like randomly pick whatever judging right early guys shot but really guys I was cleaning out my garage that's it. All right, Shawn. It is time. Yeah. Have you ever made a mixtape? Oh, man, it's been a while. Yes, cassette? Yes. I'm CD. Okay, let's go back to the cassette days just to reset. Did you make that for a romantic interest? I made it for a long story short, I was trying to be friends with this one group. So I made like a group, carpool to school, carpool to school mix table. Okay, so now my question is what was if you recall, the opener song. Weezer's My name is Jonas. Follow up question. Are there probation probationary periods? We'll take you a couple of times. We're gonna see how it works out. I definitely was not I was on the bench a lot. Yeah. There was a lot of us driving not driving but riding. It's very rarely that guy who's new. It's confirmed radio. Very rare, and I was back in the day of the removable CD. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes. Cuz you didn't want your video being solid? Exactly. So take a face off tape. Because they're not interchangeable. Now. carry your backpack at school and show it off accidentally during lunch? Pad. Whoops. That's my Sony face with my CD player that I took off. I was not I was not. I spent four years auditioning for friend groups. I hate that. I hate it. I just imagine you're like sitting on the curb in front of your house and the carpool comes you're like this is no go testing you out for this episode. Yeah, unfortunately. All right. What do you got broken? All right, not to compare apples to oranges. Who would win in a fight between a man who could shoot apples versus oranges? Oranges out of sins because the thick outer plus on the orange is less likely to break upon impacts as a great call. Yeah. The cannibal season I don't know about Tom Brady's illusions the circle of the orange take a full circle of the orange is less resistance. Where's that? Apple? Damn apple. Right throws everything on? Well, it's interesting. I could be a really like good side effect. Oh, yeah. Actually isn't the right answer. I just want to make sure we're all on the same page. Mr. Sean pack. Here's my next question. Julie Sweeney, comedian actress to play the character pack in Saturday live as quoted in describing her modesty that she considered becoming an icon for the office. What is the job that you would like to take just for the outfit? Just the outfit? Again, how many days we have this high pass? But I would say loser. Lose. Lose. Lose outfit. I'm wearing one underneath. A full stop for us actually. Body than any sort of seating. Full onesie. I just put on and have on me. Yes. prepared for the emergency breakout loose you never know. You could just like if there's someone in the crowd says we need to lose you're suddenly like your shirt. And one pull away and everything's already just under my makeup. I wear It is incredible it's already on Atlanta when there's been quote unquote blizzards they shut the entire city down for half an inch of ice, right? Because you guys I guess don't realize that ice melts. But you never know one of those ways that could be here a blizzard could have been it could be three quarters of an inch of ice. We need to save these children but there's no vehicle thin enough to get to them. I might get mad. I'm gonna lose your place that's pretty much everything. You're looking for a use lose. I bet there's a loose shore here at Blue Shea right on the same way we were talking earlier, before we get on the show, and Shawn was telling me about how his parents were always telling him to be nothing but a loser your whole life. Tell him that. You know life is his perception is 80% of happiness. That's what I have. Okay, so I have a theory, Shawn, that if every person we're seeing up next to each other there any of you wait a second because this is alive. I want to appreciate that guy was on his way to the cool. The cool the convention. Fast. Yeah, we got to show their automotive version of the heckler. Show me. I think you guys are probably doing this in Atlanta. But in New York last summer, we're doing a lot of shows outdoors, which was crazy because you're performing and then like a dump truck pulls up. Like where are you from? machine. So alright, I have a theory that all people were to stand side by side, their hands all at roughly the same height. And this is why caskets are level one carried. That's my fear. So my question is, do you think that there is a business business model in being a freelance pallbearer? Sure. Yeah. There's probably an app for that. So you got five people. guy up here what do you think about Jamie's concept that's gonna wrap it round one of the lightning round. This episode of the podcast, our guest is comedian Sean. And we're back before the bypass. We are outside here at pond City Market recording a Live episode. Sunny Day. Gorgeous. conditions. We should do this outside all. Alright, so we're back with now round two of the oh, we're gonna flesh it out in this round. Yeah. So I'm going to pick up on a topic that's discussed in portion one. There's only one called Columbia. Yeah, let's just jump right in there is Jamie's hypothesis that all people's arms are the same distance from the ground anger to the fingertips. The craziest thing you've ever heard. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's true. I don't think it's true. I just think it's legitimate to breathe as foreign clothes. You're exactly the same right YouTube strangers stand up roughly the same height. Oh, we're right these are roughly the same look. Look this is try whoa yeah. It turns out that it's actually really intelligent design. I've never known more evidence of a God than that where we actually have all the same grounds. At trial, though, and if you don't mind being my pallbearer. Talk later always had this idea that you know when they talk about there's a certain time in your life when you should never ask your friends to help you move. Right and that the last time you ask them help you is when they carry you into the ground like the jokes been made when the deceased name is actually Paul Paul Paul Barry literally walking or as your service existed the guy shows up like what's his name all you guys just goofing me if I was named all I would insist on T shirts are being created just circumstances in which you have pallbearers for an earn six people each if you do that you're more like, Stanley Cup style, like everybody gets the trophy time they kind of, you know, ask around like a hump. Day. Hey, this will follow up before we wrap the segment. I mean, he was a little bit surprised the patent was in the Olympics. I didn't know it was not sure there's no doubt with me that you didn't trust me. Oh, no, I definitely. I trust would be more widely. Yeah, it seems like I would know that but well, a lot of people died in Germany but not he died in a car. He didn't die like the war was one he was just there and then died in a car accident. He died in Germany he died like poster we like driving. Alright, well that's gonna break it down for the middle section. We'll be back with more All right, third segment of the podcast Jamie Bendel Jamie Hernan Haig, special guests, Mr. Sean Patton, we have additional guests coming in. Make sure you measure your arms. We're starting next we're gonna do another lightning round. And this time we're going to give you another opportunity if you want to stay counter or go clockwise or counter counter clockwise clockwise starting with that all right. If you were to be attacked by fifth graders all at the same time kind of like zombie apocalypse style how many fifth graders do you think you could fight off before you got overwhelmed yes, there anyone wanting to time or at one all the ones I feel like I get I feel like I only physically have to take out about 1617 wrestlers back now. You have to touch one not even just a straight up throat punch. Just unleash our motto psychological attacks on the rest why can't we get good numbers? Nine nines good numbers my favorite prime number says love math. Compulsive Disorder has its benefits all right. So right off at least two classes Alright, so we have to go I know you went to bed I know you went to bed your bald head and try again. This person Good joke oh my god, this guy's gonna hurt us. All the news. Today comedian Sean Patton defeated at one this reporter has to say is impressive. But still highly illegal it will ruin all right, keeping in the theme of adult versus use. If you could pick any sport to send current age physique you back to play an eight and under youth recreational sport. What sport would you pick and why? Hold Shift swimming Swimming is shorter. I'll swim the eight year olds. Yeah, I got a stroke I go butterfly really freaked them out to be very kind to our guest so I apologize for I'm about to say Yeah, that could possibly be the worst little tiny eighth graders and just eight year olds eight year olds just fly through the wall you've never seen the swim I just feel like yeah, if I'm gonna go down that route just you know do a quick round up for the rest of their lives. As I as I losing I just look at the winner and go it's your fault luge suit Yeah, and the luge like cuz that's that's the thing I'm pretty hairless Look at this guy over here but all my hairs from the neck up in the torso I'm asleep. Before the first one gets there are you ripping off the clothes and exposing the loose? Loose? No, that's when I find a leader. Once I figure out who the leader I tell you going down hills Angel scares people. I will lose my way is everyone here tonight. Won't be able to stop me. The lightning continue lightning. All right. Are Comedian Patton Oswald no relation, I presume, provides the voice to Remy chef rat from gratitude. If you knew you knew that your food had been prepared by a rat. But that was also likely incredibly delicious. You still need the dish? Absolutely. Back in 2013. A Italian place called Vidya Vito in Brooklyn, New York. I found out the chef was Sammy the bull Gravano. Authorities, right? Oh, well. Took it right down. Killer a clamp arm. has all the ingredients to your table. Vince. Mentioned that on our show. We all need to move to Arizona. restaurants open is pretty good. He's open. He's very open, right? Yes. All right. So another fighting question. I'm going to give you a list. You could pick two of these to protect you and the rest of bloodlust than against you. So you can get one human with a rifle. Three Grizzlies. Four lions boom. I gorillas 10 crocodiles, 15 Wolves, or 10,000 rats to protect you the rest are all coming at you. Where do you go? I'm going to take the three bears. Because nothing fights harder than 330 gay guys especially. Especially if you just you know make them go absolutely. Crazy. And I'll take the crocodiles because again, nothing is sassier than 10 Sunberg MILFs call crocodiles restaurant knows those guys can fend off 10,000 rounds. So 15 rules? No, probably not. But I feel like it'll just be an entertaining death right? At some point, let's do it. Show swimming just to bring remember at any given moment during any of these scenarios, I can lose my way out of all those groups that you're talking about there are fighting Ooh, soup cap on. Definitely. See winery county Cabernet. Wondering good one. Yeah. All right. You have a very funny bit about Air Bud. My question to you is how many Air Bud movies would have to be made before it involves motorsport. Motorsport They're working on that right now. Air but nine out the window exactly I mean I'm surprised I'm surprised come on well play I really wish they were still making those movies and they just kept doing them ridiculous from the get go right now he's running for office everybody 17 He's performing surgery my doppelganger err but comes up with a COVID vaccine Labradoodle Oh get comfortable this is an excessively long movie hadn't done bear to famously was one of a very select group of movies with a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes until recently when film critic Eddie Harrison gave it a negative review dropping into 99% The first question of this multi part question What fate should Eddie Harrison face are ruining urban score of an American treasure Paddington Bear he should have to be independent three Yes, you're right all right. Yeah, follow up question in a babbles sorry take Yeah, battle Jean Paddington Bear and Winnie the Pooh who wins oops classic found a lot of funny weird sort of twisted British he's just got to snap at some point. He grew up watching knockoff versions. I feel like I've never I don't bear I don't. I've never seen it isn't panning to the one with a raincoat and yellow hat. He has a dark history. So he was orphaned. He survived an earthquake. It's sent to another country as a young bear. And toughens you up. Also kind of levels you out. I feel like you know, he's seen the dark side of life and I was just looking for the happiness Where's poohbear? You know, trust fund kid. Yeah, he's got some shit perkily under the car. Yeah, he's got trigger anxiety all the time. I got a gun. A real big like right to carry a Glock 19. You have just been awarded a patent. Oh. Great idea. Tell us about that's a great question. I have a great idea right now. My idea would be the great idea generator. Great idea generator. So just asking the question and it gives you a great idea. The way around very fast. You never know when it's gonna fail. Right. So Shawn, other than being at the Comedy Club in Atlanta this evening for wellness show at seven o'clock. Where else would people be able to consume the content you create Mr. Sean Patton on Instagram. That's the essence of all of all the devils that are social media. That's what I like the most. My website is Misha and Pat calm. I got dates coming up. Another podcast called Raw beef on the helium network. With two other comments. It's really it's really fun. It's funny because for an entire weekend, the host cup out here about other Club hosts kept saying he's got a podcast called raw meat. I'm gonna let you keep messing that up. Yeah, check that out. The podcast has been through the comments and we just talked about this yet, but it's pretty great. Awesome. Yeah, we're out there. Good. All right. Well, we appreciate it. We appreciate the audience that was here with us today at ponceau Market and a female Pittsburgh so Okay, so yes, we want to thank all the last colony of words for having us here to perform. And everybody for coming out we are the podcast which is conveniently spelled B H H TAs. Not phonetically boring v h h cast, which you'll find on all social medias at vodcast. A special thanks everybody that was in the audience here for this episode of the podcast. Make sure you like and subscribe all that good stuff. For additional episodes brand new episodes every Tuesday. Thank you, Mr. Sean Patton. That's how you handle social media. For Jamie, Jamie and Adam. This is the podcast episode this episode of the podcast is over. Back to where you came from, we'll call you back for another podcast.