The BHHcast welcomes prolific content creator and comedian Gianmarco Soresi to the show for another three segments of lightning rounds and fun. Who would win between a self-aware crab the size of the State of Maine and the US Military? Who would win in an all out war between the employees of CVS and the Home Depot? And, who would win in a battle between a person who can read minds and someone who can see twenty seconds into the future? These are a just a few of the lightning round questions Gianmarco answers in this episode.
Gianmarco was the winner of Amazon's Comics Watching Comics Season 8, and his comedy has been feature all around including on Netflix, PBS and Vanity Fair. Catch him on tour in a city near you soon (latest tour dates available at http://www.gianmarcosoresi.com/new-events?view=calendar&month=10-2021) . Gianmarco is also an accomplished sketch writer and developer of web series content, and a seasoned actor you can see in the movie Hustlers, TBS's The Last OG, CBS's Blue Bloods, Netflix' Bonding, ABC"s Deception, Comedy Central, TruTV and the upcoming Billy Crystal/Tiffany Haddish film called Here Today.
Web Series: http://www.gianmarcosoresi.com/web-series
Sketch Writing: http://www.gianmarcosoresi.com/sketch-writing
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People around here trust the shepherds. Jamie. Adam in the other Jamie. They always have the sheep trust to gather round. I'll throw another log on the fire. Turn it up just a touch goes another episode of the podcast is starting now. Alright welcome to a new episode of the bar cast Jamie bendele Jamie Hernan and Adam Hey. Oh geez it's painful. Yeah, it's painful. Where's Ben Bell's not here tonight, so we're going to power on through without him. I thought in the line of succession when it went to intro in the show. I was after Bendel. I don't know that we ever covered that but I will say that to keep the line of Hey, go on it shouldn't be said by you. It'll be a little arrogant so seem a little narcissistic. It does. So we're going to get to our guests. Our guest has a lot of titles comedian, actor, storyteller podcast or post of the downside podcast son died. Was that the that's correct? Yes. Yeah, just give me all this title, creator of the sketch series matzah pizza, the web series and actor unprepared as well as a lot of other great content. We've got john Marcos resi welcome, john. Marco. Hello, shalom. Thank you for having me. Well, thank you for being here. Are you a brother? Also? Are you somebody's brother? Yeah, yes. I didn't know what you meant when you said that at first. Like, two white guys as being like, are you a brother? No, whatever. Whatever club you're talking about? No, I do not accept. Yes, I am. I'm the I'm the oldest. I have four younger half siblings some two total that we cover all the titles, comedian, actor, storyteller. podcaster. You did them all these days. I just say comedian. He doesn't like to play all those cards right out of the deck. Right? He says I'm gonna start with comedian and you're gonna be impressed with all the other stuff I bring to the table. I save the podcaster to seal the deal always seals the deal for us. Yeah. So giammarco we do kind of a lightning round format. We've got a first segment where we will ask some lightning round questions. We start off with a entry sort of sample question. You want to go clockwise or counterclockwise. And I will give the caveat that but there only being two hosts and it doesn't really matter. has no relevance whatsoever. It's a tradition. So let's just keep with it. Yeah, I will go counter Ooh, that actually doesn't accept things at all. Alright, so counterclockwise starting with Adam giammarco. In a fight between a self aware crab the size of Maine versus the US military who wins? Oh, by the way, nukes are off the table nukes are off the table. And I'm saying who's gonna win? Yeah, between the military and the self aware crab the size of men? I think if you don't have nukes, I think I think that crab is gonna win, I think because the only solution would be to eat it. And I think there's a lot of people who aren't into crab. Yeah, and you've run out of butter. My girlfriend she also used to be she used to be kosher, but now she's not kosher. But she still hasn't eaten crab. She doesn't know she's allergic. So I feel like contemporary America everyone's gonna be like, I don't know if I can eat that. And this crab while everyone's debating. How are we gonna eat it? Are we gonna eat it? The crab is gonna destroy us. I think I think you're absolutely right. Imagine those talents going into major metropolitan areas and bang bang bang, right. And I do think Zilla be self Yeah, being self aware. It really will take advantage of the shellfish allergies. Oh, totally. It's like you're allergic. you're allergic. you're allergic and he's not just being shellfish. Lord. Oh, crabs has got to be mad at us. Like I don't know if we do this with crabs guess lobsters where we pick them out of the tank while they're alive. And we're like I want that one. He's crabs are gonna put us in a big you know, aquarium zoo, and pick us out one by one. Ooh, I want to I want to pinch that one. That's for me human. Yeah, that humans moving a lot. I want him the fat one. Jamie, you're like, Okay, this might be like a really, really dumb question. And I'm sure people ask it like every single time and it's unlike the last question. No, no, that was incredible. Incredible. A true Mensa question. Yeah, so it's super random. So if it's like going off the rails like Feel free to stop me or you know if it's not a yes or no type of thing or maybe like an answer answer your question anytime now. I just forgot what I was gonna go ahead there. Go try Never mind. Turn on your paper. Just read it. Oh, yeah. Now remember. Alright, so assuming that step moms are included in the celebration. is Marie day a complicated day for you. Considering your father's prowess for weddings? Yes, yes. I think it's our it's already a tough day for me because because you know, I have to pretend to get along with my mom. So that's already complicated right out the gate. Yes, my dad has had lots of I've had lots of step moms. Where's what happens when you step mom when they get divorced when your parents remarried and then they get divorced. Like my dad has many times this woman who was my stepmom just become some lady right? And it's it ruins our sex life it's weird it's a weird relationship because when you break up with someone you could be friends after when you when a stepmom leaves you can't be like hey want to come over read me a bedtime story for time sake. So it is it is very strange. I think there's like a grace period after my dad's have broken up with the woman or divorced a woman. There's a couple years after on Happy Mother's Day, I'll give her a call, then it's just the text. And then you know, you're lucky if I'm at the funeral. It's time to destroys everything. The awkwardness of meeting a former stepmother in like a random place like in New York like yeah, be like, Oh, I Hi. I ran into a former stepmom once and she was she was there with like, she had a newborn son with her. And it felt like running into an axe. I was just like, Who the fuck is he? Were you ever my mom or you just say that you could fuck my dad. It was tough. Emotional. So this is a complicated follow up question. Oh, another follow up question. Complicated wagon better. step mother has a child. What does that child's relation to you? They don't, they don't get shit from me. Yeah, exactly. That kid has the same relationship, as I do with a Starbucks barista. He may know your name, but that's it. We're now two questions in and I know that this, this feels like the regular standard interview that you're probably used to, obviously. Yeah. So again, I'm gonna get hit you with a who would win in this fight? Question, man who can read minds versus someone who can see 20 seconds into the future? Who wins that fight? Hmm, that's, this feels like like, you could answer this at a philosophy class. Because my question is, if the person can see 20 seconds into the future, wouldn't they be able to read the person's mind perceiving the future time, thus completely nullifying that person's ability? So I'm gonna give a person who can read minds? Oh, the person can read minds. The person who read minds gets to also get the knowledge about 20 seconds in the future, because it's circular. Yeah, we'll get some circular logic up in there. Okay, cool. I always thought it was the guy who could who could see 20 seconds in the future because he would know exactly where the guy's head was. And just go ahead and chop just swing right there and chop his head off. But see, the guy would then know that he knew that's where he's going to be so he wouldn't be there, which would then change. Oh my god. So this is just intro to massive stoner question. Yep, okay. Well, we'll leave it to the stoners to figure out and we'll go back to you Jamie. I was reading through the Society of American fight directors code of ethics and did not I could not tell through that whether or not and this question is inspired by your fight call PSA video so just what happened in fight choreography session stay in fight choreography sessions? Yes because no one wants to hear you talk about it but people really get into that shit just so they can study the art of missing out would be very good at missing oh my god I'd be incredible at missing Yeah, if you ever watched like those john wick things I wonder how much time goes into those fights right that just it is seriously a crazy dance and it's just you know, it must take 1000 takes to get that thing to work. Anyhow Yeah. So last one on the who would win questions no no more no more. One more no more no we're actually going to do one more and it is there's two giant corporations who decide to engage in a nationwide all out war the employees of each respective company will be the soldiers. It is CVS versus Home Depot who wins but can only use the stuff in their stores that they sell in their stores as their arsenal people would think it would be home depot because there's a lot of heavy heavy things there. Right? You go back to that pharmacy right you read whatever add medication you got in the back there. You're creating some super soldiers. Yeah, they're gonna take those long CVS receipts wrapped around you hold you hostage Yeah, I'm gonna say CVS because they got the drug use exactly right. See this is I'm I appreciate that you appreciate the nuances of the question. Because Yeah, those drugs make super soldiers. Alright, so that's gonna wrap up. Segment one of the broadcast. We will be back in a minute with more from Jen Marco. So sometimes we're gonna have to do the shows with just two of the shepherds here. It happens from time to time. Sometimes shepherds can't be there for the flock. I can't remember another time it's happened, but it could happen. It has happened. This evening. Um, so I really do miss him a lot. And it'll be okay. Are you guys gonna do shows without me? Well, if you prioritize other things over the book so yeah, never do. Yeah, then no. Okay, as long as I keep you as my priority you're not gonna just see Jamie on the side. It's not because that's crazy. But show it's Jamie and Jamie, this is what I need you to do. I'm just saying. You're just saying, Don't search the phrase Jamie and Jamie podcast just on search. And we'll be good. There's no other podcast. Look. Sure. Have we? Maybe what about sample what's out there? The sheep? Have we experimented from time to time? Sure. We always come back out. We always come back. You have to be an example for the sheep. Taka, Taka, taka taka. How many weddings in for someone? Do you stop buying them gifts? I think you got to buy for every wedding. Really? Yeah. So five weddings. A fifth wedding? You're still buying the guests? Are you buying a Vegas wedding? And the five though, isn't it? Maybe you're saying they just love they're not? They're not registering? Could you imagine how tiring that would be? Yeah, I mean, just timewise. You've got to plan the next wedding even before the previous wedding. Yeah, it's kind of like being elected. When you're holding elected office, you kind of have to start campaigning right away. Right? When you have five weddings, you really are thinking about your next wedding while you're married. After the reception you paid for. They're like you want the deposit back. Now you just want to hold me a place about 18 months. Yeah, no, that's the impressive part. And the other thing is, imagine if your wife cuts you planning your next wedding with your future bride. I don't know if that would go over well in my house? I don't think so. No, maybe that's why he has five ex wives. Let's go back to the guest. We're back with more questions. In this segment, we're going to follow up on some things that we discussed. Maybe expound a little more on some things that we discussed in the first segment. Usually we choose what we're going to follow up on but maybe we can open this up to gianmarco do you want to talk about step moms and multiple marriages? Do you want to talk about what do we have the giant Maine lobster? Not a lobster crab dum dum? Totally different question. Wait, does it change your answer if it was a lobster a self aware? Yeah, clearly everyone wants to eat lobster. They're gonna destroy that thing. They're motivated. Exactly. But how do you get through the shell? Imagine the Dairy Farmers of America how excited they are when the super lobster comes at him. Go into the the fight scenes a little bit more. Have you had acting jobs in which you have I think you alluded to it. But if you had acting jobs where you've had to go through serious fight training, I've had to do some more stunts more stunt work than then fighting training. I did a German soda commercial. The drink was called rivella. And we filmed it in Cape Town Africa. And I think they they did it there because it was cheaper. And I feel like partially because there was no unions watching them do these stunts with me. There was one bit where it's like I'm being it's like I'm flying and I'm queuing and I guess that's what it's like to drink the drink. But what they the way that they film that I held on to these two bars, and they dragged me in this open field as fast as they could with the camera like right in my face. I was terrified. But I was in Cape Town Africa with a bunch of Germans. That was a good pay day, so I risked it. But the safety director wasn't there that day, right? Yeah, there they'd never heard of safety director. I don't know what the unions are like in Germany, but it was not so I did all sorts of stunts. I wrote a weird mechanical sheep. That seemed very dangerous. They had a little person that hit me with a bundle of sticks was I guess this drink these are all like what we're drinking this drink is supposed to feel like getting hit by a bundle of sticks. What How do you sell out are you selling a drink by saying it's like little people attacking you with sticks? That's that's that was the premise and the other one is flying through a field with chewing something. Yes, the other permit. Okay. You'll find yourself wanting that sort of feeling of having your shins attacked by an army of little people. Hey, mystics. It's been a while since I've actually had that desire. Wow. It seems like a kind of a take off on Red Bull though. Yeah, it was Red Bull and very like Old Spice. That dude like random like Old Spice is crazy. And then I was. I was the person. I'll send it to you. It's in German. I don't speak German. I don't know why they hired me. They dubbed me Oh. Oh, that's great. How was the product? You loved it obviously. Well, for the actual shoot. This is the first time I've ever had to like drink the product on films. It was torturous. They didn't make it the drink because I took so many sips they couldn't give me this soda stuff. So it's like water, but they added a little bit liquid to give it some color. And then they had the spritz at each time and I must have had three gallons of God just try. One shot of me going The casting process I think they went through a long series of German speaking actors who all ducked out when they said we're going to drag you through a field that might have rocks. There you go. I do it again in a heartbeat. Yeah, right. It sounds like a fun time. I think if rocks had hit you in the face so they would have kept that in the commercial because that's probably along the theme of what the drink does to rocks in the face. Little People hitting you with straw everything you can handle it this drink. Das is good. I don't want you to think this is this is the the light version of the drink, though. It wasn't straw. It was sticks. They were hitting with the straws for the diet version. Right? Exactly. Exactly. All right. So she we're gonna end this segment, we're going to come back with a couple more questions sheet. We're gonna be right back. So if you notice, I've got some new theme to my questions. I did I like it. Yep, I'm with the whole who would win, right? So along those things, who do you think would win between my dad versus your dad? Okay, you've never met my dad. So let me give you the whole tale of the tape of my dad. Alright, we're talking about both our dads at our prime Not right now, by the way, right? So my dad six for about 230 he was a history professor at the University of Utah, broke horses in college grew up in Nebraska on a farm. That's my pops, okay, my father six, eight, he trained CIA agents. He was a fighter pilot in multiple wars. He was personally responsible for overthrowing communism. When the Berlin Wall came down. He took the first hammer blow to it, but he did not use a hammer, use his bare hands and knock the entire wall down. Holy shit, you must be the biggest disappointment to your dad. I mean, it is true. He did say as he was doing that. He said, I just hope my son has a podcast. Yeah, well, this podcast is a huge disappointment to your bombs. Yeah, I don't think who would you took down the Berlin Wall. He's not the type of the ship. A good thing is that the one person who could verify whether I was telling the truth or not in this particular segment, you have not listening to this. Yep. So my dad, when have you met my wife, Christie Brinkley. You can verify doesn't listen to the podcast. So the podcast was one of the recommended podcasts on the good pods app. Whoo, whoo. And good pods is an excellent app. Check it out. There's tons of great podcasts on there. We call it the alt source for the podcast. You can go on the app, you can find different categories. It's a great way to be introduced to podcast and not necessarily just the ones that are being pushed on the major podcast platforms. Don't be a corporate drone indie podcast, we want you to be a sheep. Yeah. And I don't appreciate how sheep have been treated. I know that sheep are not mindless people who just follow these sheep. Look at them. Look at them right now. Our sheep are wonderful. They're all individuals. They're all independent thinkers. Hey, listen to our podcast. Wherever you find great podcasts. I'm just saying one option is good. Yeah. All right, we're back with our final segment here of the podcast. have our guests gianmarco Ciresi. gianmarco tell us a little bit about what you're doing in the next couple months. It's good to have comedy back finally after the evil evil 2020 so what you've been up to back on the road I'm going to LA this week I'm going to headline Mark Ridley's Domini castle in Detroit Michigan next week and then I'm just in New York man gonna headline Boston in December Connecticut headline in Connecticut a bunch so I'm just on the road man I'm just writing jokes in shape right some new shit I have a comedy central set coming out November 2, my first set for Comedy Central and hopefully that'll lead to even more random casinos in the Midwest. Alright, so we have a couple more rapid fire questions for you for this round Would you like to go clockwise or counterclockwise? I'll keep a counter Okay, keep it a counter. That's good. Hey, starting with Adam. All right, so you're sent back in time to September 4 2001 Can you stop 911 from happening and how do you do it? Hmm very interesting. I do think I could I could I would have to be able to do something I would try you know I try to alert the authorities and all that stuff. But I don't know if I have those connections to make it happen and would you be a crazy person to those people right maybe I'll find a couple other like crazy people who believe me and we're just gonna have to take care of it at the airport prior to though so you're gonna go ahead and take law enforcement your own hands I need if it comes down to it I I can't just watch this shit happen I love it you go full vigilante Yeah, I don't know. I there's a dark I don't know where they from multiple airports was a JFK and Newark and Boston. Yeah. And Boston. Yeah. Oh, boy. But you have your army of friends that are gonna help you. Maybe I don't have a lot of friends though. I'm not the best of the I mean, I might have to pick one. And are they willing to attack people in airports for you? Oh, yeah. Okay. I like that. You're gonna go full vigilante, and let's not leave this up to law enforcement, right? Let's not leave it because it's too important. Well, they're not going to believe them. Right? They're not gonna believe them. And then and this is a bit dark, Adam, thank you. But I do think that there would be that huge feeling of wanting to say I told you so after it happened, like gianmarco on the 12th of Oh, god, that's dark. That's dark. Like I would say, if you could prevent it, you prevent it right? In any way possible. You get all your buddies together, you're calling your friends in Boston, you're calling your friends in Newark, you're calling your friends at LaGuardia. And you're like, let's get it you better hope if you tell the authorities they don't believe you and then it happens right? You're not gonna you could go say I told you so they're gonna say I told you we're putting you in Guantanamo Bay right? Now that's the big problem right here. They do something. Yeah, you're like God, that's a that's a tricky situation. They would believe you if you said I'm from the future. There's a presidential briefing on the fourth and they're like, we're getting a lot of chatter. There's this weird guy in New York who is going crazy about this one part. Yeah. All right. I hate to move on from this subject. Yeah, but I think it's time okay. So you find yourself listening to the blast. 104 point three crazy Ron's morning mayhem and caller number nine wins an amazing prize if they can do a show stopping crazy Ron impression of Ron ordering. Well done pizza gianmarco. You are caller number nine. You have seen more of my acting work than my parents combined. I'm very flattered. I'm remembering this commercial. I fell in this one a long time ago. The blast 104 point three. So you go. Hey, this is crazy. Rod. Can I get a pizza? Well, that's how I like as I imagined to be like, what do you mean well done and be like, I want it to be a hockey puck. That's a well done pizza. Cuz Ron likes a dog. You win. Bring that commercial back, I think Yeah. Congratulations on the win. Yes. That's a great win. No, that's incredible. Alright, so if you had to, and this is my last one, we're going to do a fight question again. Of the five major sports MLB hockey, NFL, soccer and basketball if all the players of each one of those leagues fought each other who, which which league Do you think wins? They literally fight in hockey as part of the sport. But there aren't a ton of hockey leagues though. I mean, like the numbers I think on hockey are down. I'm sorry, you were probably asking Gen market, right? I was but so I recently did a thing for my birthday, where you go to is called rage cage. And you go to a room and you break things. Whoa, it costs way too much money, but you just get to break TV monitors and printers. And when I swung that bat, because that's the main weapon you get you get a bat. Okay. I just thought, you know, this is the toughest weapon out there. You know, aside from a gun, right when the hockey sticks sure are tough. But basketball and football, you're not going to beat the guys with bats and who have practiced their whole life just swinging them. Yeah, so I'm going to give it to baseball. Yes, guys bringing around bats to swinging power bats at people. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, it feels like your birthday is the worst day to go to a rage cage. Why feeling good on your birthday. I don't know if that's true. But you shouldn't make okay. And I also feel like the five sports they would all be fighting. And then one would be left standing. And then all of a sudden the sharpshooters from the Olympics that were hiding out a mile away. Just Boom, boom, boom, boom. And there the surprise twist? I'm letting Olympians in. If you didn't, you're not paying attention. Professionals. Okay, I'm gonna try to lighten it up a little bit because of your dark 911 question. That's two questions ago. Never forget that a fucking joke, dude, Jesus Christ. You're a horrible person on the inside. You really are. Go ahead. Because you witnessed a murder of a pregnant woman on a subway platform Jesus, and that's not like you. you witnessed a murder of a pregnant woman on a subway platform? You're starting your question? Yes. Okay, so you witnessed a murder of a pregnant woman on a subway platform. Good luck booking guests after the show. But that happens without you being given an opportunity to first find an emotional place to properly respond. You've been given no direction on how to respond to that. Can you give three different reactions to that scene where you have just witnessed the murder of a pregnant woman on a subway platform? Who hurt you? Seriously, who heard you? What's going on? Did you not get enough hugs as a kid? That's a dark, hard question. It may be a dark question, but we have gianmarco who's an excellent actor? We do. And I just this is to see his range. Okay. All right. So pregnant woman is murdered. And I'd be like, Oh, my train is gonna be delayed. She's Okay, I guess he didn't make the right guest let's see. If you see something, say something. Yeah. Hey, I see dead pregnant lady. There there could be oh my god made maybe the baby made that Nope. Okay, okay, we're gonna turn this around real quick. I was gonna throw a Texas joke in there but I thought that might really Oh, Jesus that was wrong with you. Alright so you know it's legal here that's that would have been a good life okay who would win the presidency a man who must use as many terms from the Urban Dictionary as possible or a man who can only speak in 17th century English. I just think people want a president who can curse and Urban Dictionary he's going to be using all sorts of everyone who goes apeshit whenever one of these anchors or a politician goes on screen and goes, this is bullshit. Everyone goes Whoa, look at this hue human up there. Finally someone who says that everything is going to shit, right? It's fucked up. So I think that that guy is winning, I think I think Trump probably was the closest to an urban dictionary president we had, I think Biden is probably closest to a 17th century that's shortly after he was born. That's very true, though. Sad, but true. So I want to encourage all of our listeners to go to gianmarco ciresi.com where you can find a lot of the videos that are the inspiration for my questions. gianmarco Ciresi calm so spelling is a little tough on that one. We're going to go ahead and put a link right in our bio to it so that our listeners can go right to it. Gi a Mar c o s o r e si. You lost me like six letters ago. I have then you're gonna live the period Colm more? Okay, okay. We'll have a link in the bio. You show up on set, and they want you to take your pants off for a scene. Geez. Actually, I didn't have a second question. That's it. That's the whole question. respond. Respond question. Are we Are we recording? We are recording. No, no, that's what I that's. That's phenomenal. That is good. That is quality. So john Marco. I appreciate you coming in. being with us tonight. been a lot of fun. Sounds like you've got kind of an exciting tour. Going back. It's good to be back on tour where our listeners are gonna find you on social media. It's my full long ass name. It's gianmarco serese. Twitter, Tik, Tok, Instagram, Facebook, all that jazz. Well, it's been fun having you tonight. We appreciate having you. And with that, I think we'll let the sheep head back out to the pasture. Thanks Jim. AKA We appreciate it. Fires getting low. This episode of the bug cast is over. Now, door, back door or another box