Comedian and podcaster Joe Bartnick (and his amazing mustache) joins the BHHcast. Joe is the host of the hockey related Puck Off Podcast on the All Things Comedy Network.
Find all of Joe's upcoming tour dates so you can see him perform live, and maybe become his groupie, at: https://www.joebartnick.com/.
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People around here trust the shepherd. Jamie and the other Jamie. They always have the sheep trust to gather around. I'll throw another ball on the fire. Turn it up just a touch of another episode of the podcast is starting now. Brand new episode of the podcast very excited about our guests this evening. I am Jamie Bendele Jamie Hernan. Hey everyone, because I feel like you'd beat me up in the fantasy football draft will maybe address that a little bit later, our guest this evening, comedian Joe Barton. How you doing, buddy? I'm doing fantastic. How are you guys doing? Good. Very good. All right, very simple format of the show. We have here we do lightning round style questions to set the stage for that we always give a sample or test or question just to acclimate the guests to the format of the show. So the first question to you this evening is clockwise or counter clockwise, clockwise. All right, clockwise. Well, starting with Jamie. I didn't feel a full commitment from that. No, no, he's just like he just wants to go standard. Just I get it. Make it clockwise. For once. Can we just get out guys? What kind of animal do you believe gritty most closely resembles a caterpillar? That's absolutely right. What sport do you think the players get the most girls? Damn. Probably basketball. Okay. All right. Follow up. Question for Adam. Do you know who gritty is? No, you don't know who? She felt very confident. That was the correct answer. Well, it is it's caterpillar. Okay, yeah. Fun fact from the official bio of gritty one. He was the son of a bully. A gritty is the mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers. And I would say that the best way to describe him as maybe a bit of a psychopath. Is that fair? He's fair. He's definitely fits in as a Philadelphia flyer fan. Hi. There hockey team good, so pathetic. All they could celebrate was a mascot. Kind of sad. It was pretty bad. All right. What team has the best intro music the San Jose Sharks do Metallica. It's pretty badass. That is really good. All right, with polar bears starting to transition from ice hockey to water polo. Do you think that Canadians will soon find themselves making a similar transition? No, that's absolutely correct. Hockey's Mount Rushmore. Big Five. And you're not looking for any details. He has somewhere to be Yeah, no, it's It's lightning rod will pick up the details. Yeah, okay. talkies, Mount Rushmore, the big five. Okay, well, we'll be Gretzky or Lemieux. And I'll say Crosby. I really liked Gordie Howe and Brackett Rashard also receiving votes, everyone looks at is the Holy Trinity. And then number four is up for debate. Lovely. Like Do we still haven't forgotten about or what sport is the most physically demanding to pick up as an adult? I gotta say hockey's pretty hard, but probably probably like, you know, one of those stupid X Games sports. Good, cool. Yeah, skateboarding real hard to pick up as an adult. Hernan, we have blasted through our lightning round. Alright, so first, first round is two questions. Yeah. And then we'll come back and we'll talk about the the question, I'll come back and do that. But there was yeah, there was a bit of a theme to our questions. So maybe we can Joe, tell us about your podcast and why we might have been asking you hockey related questions. Well, I do a podcast has been going on for about eight years now called puck off. I do with the great Fraser Smith, who's an LA DJ and comedic legend. And now we have a third guy, Andy picaro. And we have, you know, we have different guests we have former players on we have former analysis, we have media, we have comedians, actors, whoever, or we just talk amongst ourselves and we always talk hockey. So as that show has developed, do you feel like you guys were like the first out there? We definitely started out way on top of a mountain, because we were on a huge network called sideshow, which they stopped doing podcasts. But we there's some big stars way bigger than me and Fraser on there, and they drove us a lot of traffic. And we wasn't very many hockey podcasts. And we were a national podcast. And then we did also we did what we called summer programming. People used to stop doing hockey in the summer, we kept talking. So we ended up getting a lot of fans. And then as the years have gone by, every team now has 50 different podcasts just devoted to that team. And seems like everybody has a podcast now. So we used to be a bigger fish. But now there's, you know, the sea expanded in bags are the best talk about things that you would talk about anyway. Right. So all I do is talk about hockey. So if you run across a new hockey podcast that you don't like you ever just want to throw the gloves off and engage, engage, get the fight on there. Check them into the wall. so to speak, you know, you know, I don't really listen to other people's podcasts unless they're very informative. I would agree with the answer that hockey is a very difficult sports pickup later in life because I as a non hockey player, as a child had an opportunity to play club hockey in college, and it was what partially led me to becoming a comedian. Oh my god, right. I couldn't imagine like, yeah, I've gone ice skating at Christmas with my kids. And it's hard enough just to pick up ice skating, to be you know, be able to play a sport while ice skating. That's that's totally different. So it was terrible. Yeah. And you know what the worst part about it was Joe, is I grew up skating on figure skates. Okay, so I did not have hockey skates growing up my parents when they when they got us skates. I had figure skates right. You're more of a Brian boy. Boitano. Ski. So until Bendel does stop doing flips. Yeah. Now you're on the powerplay doing figure eights. Yeah, this spinning. Amazing in the corner. But my roommate in college was the captain of the club hockey team in college. And he's like, You should come out and skate with us. And so I said, All right, so they were having some game against somebody. Yeah. Did you get hurt? No, but it was awkward. Needing to find figure skates to go out in the club hockey game. I think in leotards, I think it's amazing to me. I love Tiger bros. Pick this up in a second. Yeah, yeah. That you were waiting for your music to come on before you hit the ice. Yes, right. When do I go? Alright, we're gonna be back with a deck segment here on the podcast, comedian Jobar, Nick Bach has returned. So I'm working at this sports agency wolf agency after my first year of law school. And Bobby was a partner, the nicest guy in the entire world. I get engaged to my wife that same summer, and she grew up in New Hampshire. Her dad is from New Hampshire, like everybody in New England. He's the biggest Bobby Orr fan in the world. So I had the greatest gift to my father in law ever because I told Bobby that my soon to be father in law was a huge fan. He has a very famous picture called the goal where Bobby is airborne. Yeah, he scored the goal is airborne afterwards, jumping in celebration, and he signed it. My father in law, his nickname was bud and I said to bud, you're getting yourself the best son in law ever met Bobby. And I presented that gave that to him. And then Bobby offered to have him down for dinner in Boston. So it was great. I was the coolest kid ever. My father in law got to tell it told that story to everybody in our wedding. Does your spouse ever pull that picture out when you're misbehaving at home and say, You're disappointing, Mr. Or you're disappointing, Bobby. Yeah. You're not being the greatest son of pulling through. Again, the nicest guy in the whole wide world. And the first time I met him, he came around and said, What's your name? And I said, I'm Adam. I'm here as the summer legal assistant. And he said, Okay, Adam, summer legal assistant, we don't have enough candy on any of these administrative assistance desks. So you and I were going to go buy candy and put it on everybody's desk and we went to one of those candy stores and just loaded up on the jellybeans. What's this candy choice? It was Jelly Bellies. Yeah, he's, uh, Ronald Reagan ask, he used to do slap shots in the hallway. Like we used to have, you know, where he would set up a goal and he would show it now with the administrative assistants. No, no, no. Did your father in law not like you before? But after you got on the picture? You're his best friend. Yeah, I think he liked me before. But he was definitely he was very, very touched by gesture. And I gotta say, so this little segment this little break is thank you, Bob. You're Adam says Bobby, you're a good guy. You're an incredible person hang out with my father in law, my wife and my marriage. Thanks you. Alright, we are back for a little more in depth conversation about our first a lightning round worth of questions. Our guest this episode is comedian Joe Bartnik. Host also of the hockey podcast. puck off. You guys are on all things comedy now. Right? Yes, sir. Isn't it amazing how that network of podcasts has grown? Also? Oh, absolutely. But just the whole company's grown. I mean, they're going to be producing my specialty ended this year, we really shot a lot of the B roll for it. So now their whole production company. I think it's fantastic. It's amazing. I'm really, really happy to see their success. All right. Can we figure out why the basketball why they get the most girls, can we can we dive into that a little bit because I was thinking to myself as I walked myself through it, okay, so baseball players, they're playing a ton of games, they have most of their mornings free usually. What do you think? Why do we think in the basketball players? Well, I worked for the pirates in the late 80s, early 90s. In those days, I just think the way the world is now I just think basketball is the hippest sport are the coolest sport and I just think that's where the women are attracted to. What's the hip, new thing? Football players are all too aggressive. And hockey players get a lot of chicks too. I was actually gonna say golfer sent me a lot of checks, although all the other money grubbers in the flock to the point that's a good point. It's kind of the gold digger move. Have we seen the death of the puck bunny? Oh no that no no the hockey horrors are still there. Okay, good everywhere. Good. That makes me feel good cuz I learned about the hockey players. There are like hockey groupies. Yeah, Puck bunnies that I knew. And they're referred to as puck bunnies? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Apparently hockey horse. There's also the prostitutes, but our bodies are pretty common. They've actually caused problems in some some clubhouses? They're their rink rats, rink rats. Exactly. This will probably get all of us in trouble. Yes, but what would other sport themed pun semi derogatory names? Like, how do you characterize that? Right? rink rat? Yeah. Okay. All right. I get it. I don't know. You don't have any others? I don't know. I feel like there's gonna be a lot of mental energy put towards coming up with these names, and they will not be in the file. But I might use them in other areas of my life. I might I might be thinking of other like, she's a tackling dummy. There you go. Okay. Okay, possibly. Or how about chess? Why would you go to chess? Why would you go We're obviously I'm struggling. We're talking radically with sports. I don't know. There's a lot of chess groupie. I don't think so. I mean, there there are, but they're few and far between. If you look at the big sports, the chess guys are getting laid less than almost all the bigs. Actually I just pulled up the stats from Elias Sports Bureau. And chess is actually second to basketball in getting checks. Yeah. Interesting. You would have thought you would have thought something else would have, I think? I think they're, they're flawed in their tracking than just players. Just players brag about girls. Way too much. A lot of Russian chicks love Russia. Yes. Have you ever had the opportunity to meet any of your hockey big for big five? Ah, yeah. Oh, yes. I've met Mary. Oh, awesome. And how did he was he awesome guy to hang out with? He was it was incredible. It was incredible. It was the kind of it's kind of a little joke around not a joke around town, but did his favorite comedian. So I think he plays it up a little bit, just to be nice to me. But I did his cancer benefit. He is a huge Cancer Foundation, and has made millions of dollars or generated millions of dollars. For people all over the country. There's they're called Austin Lemieux houses. Austin's house work, parents and kids whose children are getting cancer treatments, kind of like the Ronald McDonald House is where they're like, let me use foundation. And he's built wings on hospitals. It's a huge Foundation. And I got I was lucky enough to perform for an event of his and there was literally like 36 Stanley Cup rings in the room. So that's not like assistant to the assistant GM that was like Brian Traci a. Yeah, Molly. It was amazing. It was the best night of my life that and play in the garden. Those are my two great, best nights ever in comedy. Very cool. So I actually get the opportunity to work with Bobby Orr for a little while. Oh, wow. Yeah, a dream. But I thought I was going to be the next Jerry Maguire after a year after law school, or my first year after the first summer after my first year. So I worked for wolf agency that represents a lot of players. But Bobby was one of the he was actually one of the partners at the time, I can tell you that the sports agents get a special view of players in general and Wolf represented all the major sports hockey players were some of the easiest guys to get along with. And they were also some of the most grateful players like whereas, like if you asked a hockey player to go do a signing at a car dealer, he would be happy to do it. He'd be there on time, he'd beat you know, he'd be pleasant to everybody who came up and we just didn't see that with the football players in the basketball players and some of the baseball players. That's because they were busy with the ladies hockey, you know, unless you're like Sidney Crosby or Alex Ovechkin, and even then the culture will kick you down a notch. Right? Everyone's ridden the bus in the minors. It's like being a stand up comic. Everyone's done open mics, no one just went straight to the top. Where is football players in basketball players? They've been handed everything since they were 10 years old. That's right. Yeah. All right. So with that, we will wrap this segment here we're gonna be back with more of the broadcast comedian Joe Barna right after this Alright, so you pushed chess this entire opposite? You did. I could be accused of that. Do you legitimately believe that there is such a thing as a chess groupie? Oh, absolutely. You don't think that at chess tournaments at whatever hotel and somewhere in Russia that things get a little crazy at nightfall? I think so. I think I could see where like the top five chess players in the world. Get groupies, but the average chess player is not good. Do you think that there is ever any high stakes underground chess of course being played for money chess games underground being played to the day Death just no one's playing death chest anymore. I think they've done a lot to clear that. Oh, let's suppose you're out on a crazy night and before you know it, you've been brought down into this basement. Yes. And there is a huge backroom, underground death chest. Yes. And all of the pieces are large enough to be bludgeoned to death. So when you take someone's piece, you're literally just being part of the thing. And the chest groupies used the pickup line? Probably. Probably, they would probably do something like I see you're running Umansky. Here are some things I think it would be like. I didn't feel very good about killing me, but I feel a lot better about it. After you run a knife to Mansky, Gambit. Bishop eight. Justice got the perfect game. Now there's a way you play chess perfectly. It's a well known way to basically competitive chess now it's just whoever gets the advantage how disappointing it is. It's really disappointing. Computers have ruined chess, the computers figured out how to run the perfect game. Do computers have purpose? Watson? Watson clearly. By the way, I would say stay away Oh, right. We are in the second of our Lightning Rounds here this episode on the podcast Jamie Bentall. Jamie Hearn and Adam Hague guest comedian Joe Barton. Alright Joe, you're ready for round two of the lightning round. I am ready. All right, would you like to stay clockwise or switching up and go counterclockwise? Let's go counterclockwise counterclockwise starting with Jamie. So this question comes to us from our friends at the Bita dead Source podcast at Dead underscore source and their question for Joe is who would be which would be which would be better at hockey lemurs or palaces cats, which I've known about palaces cats for about 10 minutes. What are what are palaces cats? Yeah, they're like a small wild cat that if you saw you'd be pretty sure you were close to getting rabies. Oh, lemurs. Or I would think there's game like Palace cats you do better but kitty cat. Well, I don't even know what the Lemur regular cat or is it like a jungle cat? A lemur is like a cat monkey hybrid. Yeah, it's like a cat monkey squirrel hybrid. Well, I think you got to go hire a monkey and a squirrel and a cat combined says pretty amazing is half rabid cat. You're exactly right. That's sure like the rabid cat would be the defenseman you know, or the Enforcer? Maybe but but the hybrid has got all the elements. It's got the full is a five tool player, right? Yeah, my turn. I'm okay. I am counterclockwise. All right. Me. Alright, Joe in your life. Have you ever made an actual mix? Tape? cassette? Yes. And when you made that mix tape cassette was it to remember an occasion or acknowledged relationship? It was to? I've made several but I will give you I've done I've made several but definitely sent sent them the girls. Yeah, romance. Okay, when you were making a mixtape for a female romantic interest, who did you open it with? And who did you close it with? AC DC and Guns and Roses? Whoa, that's a very specific type of girl receiving that is a cool girl. Yeah, she's going hard with you. I mean, cut that. Yeah. So we were in Georgia hockey is not as big here. In fact, I always worry that the next great hockey player is being born in Georgia and we'll never get the opportunity to show what he could or couldn't have done. If I wanted to raise the next super hockey player. What's the best state to for us to move to when I when my son is born? Or province? Yeah, I'll give Canada's an entire state. Well, I mean Canada for sure. But I will say I like the Boston area. Okay. Massachusetts Boston area, even though Pittsburgh is coming up and have tons of rinks now and they're they're producing NHL there's there's just something bought it's ingrained in Boston and there's it's still a tough town like Pittsburgh where you're gonna get a greedy kid. Now like a suburban kind of kid you're gonna get you're gonna get an enforcer. Not one of those Minnesota Duluth softies right. Well, I was saying about that either. I I kind of just like that city kid aspect. Yeah, good kids in Pittsburgh. It's more of the suburban kids playing hockey. Okay. All right. In the movie, A Fish Called Wanda. There is a famous slow motion steamroller scene. If you're familiar with that, but never saw the movie. I saw a fish a Pittsburgh, which is worth exploring. Are there any steamrollers in that movie? Maybe they smoked a few. Ah, okay. All right. All right. So if you were forced to enter a race to the death between a steamroller and a Zamboni, which vehicle would you prefer to be driving? Oh, Zamboni is faster the steamroller? Yeah, clearly it's just it's just limited to ice which would be kind of a problem. Or it can Zamboni is just going anywhere. Does anybody's can go anywhere. Okay, there you go. Have you ever seen a Zamboni out of its natural habitat though? I haven't, but I imagine it could. I mean, how did it get there? Yeah, there's a famous video where Gino and said race each other and Zamboni is in the parking lot. Oh, that's awesome. I actually know that I'm thinking about it wonder why I don't see Moore's Ambonese in like parades. Right there should be Yeah, when they do like the community parade. Yeah. Why are there not more slices in both teams like it's built in float? It's amazing because I've often said like, this parade is one Zamboni away from being perfect. Or even good. I have to tell you, one of the things that I like about and I'm being serious, I appreciate that is even as a kid I like the fact that Zamboni has had really sweet rims, like they always kind of had chromed out. Oh, yeah, we'll see gas wheels kick ass wheels on the Zamboni gotta have it. Yeah, no, they're both these make me sad because I always see those adults that wave like you're not six years old. What are you doing? A wave driver? Yeah, you know, like riding around. You're like this, you know, like a season ticket holder gets a ride on the Zamboni between periods and they're waving. It's like, well, you're an adult grow up. It's not a prize unless you're driving the Zamboni? Yeah, I have to tell you, Joe. I would be the adult waving on the Zamboni because I feel like this is kind of the coolest thing. Yeah. I'm a five year I love tractors. It's sort of a ice tractor. It is indeed. Yeah. I spent many winter shoveling off a pond so that we could skate on a pond. Okay. Yeah. When you say we do you mean you and do you mean doing pirouettes? I mean, in your fingers. Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't. We actually played a lot of pond football. You clear the pond, and then you play football on the pond? I'm not I'm picturing Bendele out there with his friends. Like okay, who's gonna be the judges today? Yeah, he's gonna be the coach. I'm gonna go off to the side. Yeah. By the way, guys, nobody was mittens can be a judge right? Because I can't tell what what my actual score was. Jesus Stephen we stopped throwing flowers at me at the end. At a dragon blue box out there two batteries got cold all the time. It bet I bet it'll follow up question to you. You are going on the ice to perform your routine it what starts your mixtape of your routine? That's a good I don't know. I'll have to think I'll come I'll come back around. I'll give you an answer on that. We're gonna get that answer in a later episode later episode. Yeah, well, Easter egg you have to find it. Yeah. Cheese the follow up. Is it my turn now for the question is Okay, final countdown. Course. I don't know why you do anything else for my for my for your dating routes. My skating routine? I don't know. I have to think the final countdown. That's not how old am I? Your hypothetical? How old? Are you? Growing up? It's one answer. And today I want two answers. Oh, solid? Yeah. Okay. Jay. You know, the worst part about I'm actually giving a little bit of brain space to figuring out what song I would actually like to do an ice skating. Like, Oh, that'd be interesting. I would do like in our listener, some of them were sitting in their car going. That's the dumbest question ever and half of them were saying, don't mind would be okay. No, you're up. Alright. So Joe, have you been back to see any concerts since the pandemic? I just saw the Black Crowes the other day Nice. Oh, is this there? Shake your moneymaker anniversary tour. I believe so they it was great because they only they played like every song off shake your moneymaker. And then they played like five songs off Southern Harmony Companion. They played like two songs off in America. And that was it. Alright, so who would be the band that you did not get to see live but you would like to have seen live? Well, Jimi Hendrix. That a band. Yeah. That's incredible. That would have been that would have been an incredible show. Joe, you have an incredible moustache. Our listeners can't see it. But we see you on video. And it's an incredible mustache. I feel like it's so incredible. I feel like they can feel it. They can probably feel it in your voice. It comes through that It's that powerful in film and television. What character has the best moustache? Got to say Magnum? Yeah, it's pretty good. Who's second? Burt Reynolds? Oh, snap. Now I'm thinking Bert was the number one. But that's a good one. And then there's that guy from the Addams Family that had the longest. Yet didn't miss Gomez have a really long pencil thin? Yeah, he had that kind of creepy one. Yeah. If Magnum and Burt Reynolds were doing an ice dancing routine. What song would they use as their background music? He found it down. Oh, man, it's pretty clear. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what a stupid question. Okay. Of the NHL hockey teams with animal based names, rank them in order of how their animal namesake would fare in a cage match. And I'm happy to list them if that would help. Well I think sharks are badass but the cage would have to be underwater. True. We're gonna say the land base ones can be in water, water base ones can be inland, we're gonna take that a land based ones can survive underwater right? After proper scuba training, of course, I guess Panthers are pretty tough. I think Bruins are bears sabres, once we got there. Probably the show I would think the sharks would be the toughest. I can't think of all of them, but it seems like the shark should be the toughest, right? So so I've got the Panthers the penguins, coyotes, sharks, ducks. And then the last one, the Kraken and the Bruins. Yeah, yeah, the Bruins are. I guess the Kraken wins because the Kraken like fights Godzilla, but I have real animals. I would go sharks, then bear then Bruins. Then Panthers. Um, let's face it, the penguins in the ducks. Third, they're in like the nonconfrontational division with the ducks will be fighting for the basement. They're just running away from every other company. Yeah. I think penguins might be faster than ducks though. But ducks can fly. Like sandfly. Okay, so if you had a kraken could a kraken take out? A combined assault by a panther penguin coyote shark and duck? Yeah, I mean, isn't cracking like decides that Godzilla isn't? Make Believe animal, but it might be too big to get the duck. Right. The duck? I mean, it's a little hard for a cracking to get a little tiny duck. No, no, you should see what cracking because due to ducks, you should see I think you'll wipe out all the ducks I've seen can eat a game ish, Corning hen, which is just incredible. Without utensils or anything, no utensils. Just wow. Yeah. No garnish or anything. Just like really garnish. What? What do they farmer tracking? Come with potato and salad. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Your choice of potato. All right, Joe, of the Rock Road ballads. Which is the best. That's Tuesday's gone count. Yeah, that's good. So my last question, correct. If you took the average hockey player, and he had to fight off a hoard of average golfers, how many golfers Do you think he could fight off before he became overwhelmed? The average hockey player? Yeah, I'm talking about an average professional hockey player. Yeah, yeah. He could take at least three golfers three golfers maybe gets overwhelmed with four. Yeah, I would think that I would think the other golfers would start backing up after the first three though. I could take out this whole foursome. I just don't want to be the first golfer. Yeah, I don't see any golf professional golfer really stepping up to a real professional hockey player. Yeah. Although Bryson D Shambo might might be able to take one's got a little attitude. Yeah, everyone's a tough guy until you meet one. That's right. Hey, I do have one related to the special that you're going to be having out so you hope that that'll be out when probably 2022 Well, we shot everything. We shot a bunch of stuff for it already. And then we're gonna shoot it in Chicago, we believe in the beginning of December. Is this all finished stuff? Or is it still some post pandemic stuff that you're putting some finishing touches on? I might have one or two just real quick pandemic jokes. But it's basically we were going to shoot my special last August so it's all the and then so I've added some new jokes but that really pandemic related I don't really talk about the pandemic it seems like when you know Jamie you want to club people when they forget about it. I was just talking with somebody over the weekend and I already feel like pandemic stuff has kind of come and gone at least as material on stage. Yeah, I don't really talk about it. Alright, so before I let you go I do appreciate you being with us this evening. While we wait on this new special to be finished and release where would you direct people to either see you in person or consume your content online. I you can come see you can jump bartnik.com at Joe Bartnik you know on Twitter, Mr. Joe Bartnik on Instagram, I'm on Facebook. I'm everywhere. Well glad you well and continued success and hopefully we'll see you right. Thanks for having me guys. I hope this was okay. A lot of fun. You're great. Okay, cool. Thanks. Thanks, guys. Thanks to Joe. It was a great episode. See when we have the next one ready to go taka taka, I missed the taka taka the last couple of times taka taka, she you know who you are. Dakka Dakka fires getting low. This episode of the podcast is over to go now. Back to where you came from the Korean style for another podcast.